proofonline.org » Perspectives

Andrew Solomon: To an Aesthete Dying Young

Douglas Faneuil — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 04:31:30 +0000

I was always frustrated by one area of impenetrability, which was that Terry never flagged in his enthusiasms. There was beauty in that, but there was also a closedness in it. If something went wrong, he was always immediately thrilled by what he had learned from it. If it rained, he was rapturous about all the indoor things we might never have done had there been sunshine, and if we were arguing, it was always sure to make us closer. I’ve tried for a clearer formulation of this relentless quality; at the time, it seemed like only built-in cheerfulness, but now I know that it was a way of keeping despair always at bay, and reflected not perfect resilience, but a terrified vulnerability, as though he knew that the slightest incursion of darkness would be enough to swallow him whole. It was a pleasant quality in doses, but it precluded certain depths of intimacy. You couldn’t see Terry and not have fun, and sometimes, you wanted him to be bored, or tired, just for a minute. There had to be sadness in him, but you couldn’t reach it except when it came out of him in quick, rare flashes of anger, and it’s hard to be friends with someone who will never be sad with you.

Read Full Article

[This is a gorgeous essay. I hate to excerpt it at all. -Ed.]

PostSecret Is Showing Our Cards

Douglas Faneuil — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 05:47:26 +0000

I’ve been visiting PostSecret for years, and it’s still one of my favorite sites around. Few projects, online or off, suggest such a range of inner life so succinctly. Reading it each Sunday is a ritual of sorts, reminding me that in our weirdly unique differences we are all the same. It’s a little dose of humanity. It always makes me feel less alone.

In some ways, the site is a contradiction. Its mission seems particularly suited to the ethos of a blooming web culture – bringing together strangers to share secrets in an arbitrarily structured way that feels freeing and gives rise to a wealth of expression. From another angle, the whole thing seems oddly old-fashioned – decorating tiny canvasses using scissors and glue, submitting them for publication via snail-mail, and hoping your entry gets lovingly scanned by Frank Warren himself. It’s folk art for the internet age. And I love it.

The Clash of Civilizations, and Other Stories We Tell Ourselves

Douglas Faneuil — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:06:30 +0000

We’re all born late. We’re born into history that is well under way. We’re born into cultures, nations and languages that we didn’t choose. On top of that, we’re born with certain brain chemicals and genetic predispositions that we can’t control. We’re thrust into social conditions that we detest. Often, we react in ways we regret even while we’re doing them…

Among all the things we don’t control, we do have some control over our stories. We do have a conscious say in selecting the narrative we will use to make sense of the world. Individual responsibility is contained in the act of selecting and constantly revising the master narrative we tell about ourselves.

Read Full Article

[Wow – a nice follow-up to yesterday's post. I'm not a fan of Brooks generally, but I love his opener here. In my mind, this is what therapy is all about: re-shaping the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, in an attempt to change our outlook. -Ed.]